For many children, the divorce of their parents becomes their first real trauma in life. Children who have previously enjoyed a secure and comfortable upbringing may feel like their entire world changes when their parents’ marriage ends.
Divorce can destabilize children’s sense of self and alter how they relate to other people. Many children experience an academic slump when their parents divorce where their grades drop. Some even start displaying signs of mental health challenges like depression and anxiety. Parents may feel like their decision to divorce is ultimately in the best interests of the children, but they may also worry about the short-term disruptions caused by their decision.
How can parents support their children to minimize the impact of divorce?
Presents a united front if possible
Even parents who can barely stand one another can perhaps connect through their mutual love of their children. In some cases, parents may be able to establish basic plans for the divorce and early custody arrangements. They can then discuss the matter together as a family.
When parents cooperate with one another, that can help eliminate the stress caused by parental disputes. Children may also adjust better to shared custody arrangements when they view their parents as working cooperatively instead of fighting against each other.
Provide age-appropriate support
Children of all ages need basic, honest information about the upcoming changes for the family. From which parent might leave the family home to any changes in the children’s child care or educational arrangements, there can be many practical matters for which parents must prepare their children.
They may also want to provide the children with several different options for emotional and social support. There are youth support groups, professional counseling options and even neutral family members that can give children emotional support so they can work through their feelings about the divorce.
Parents who give their children options and provide them with a judgment-free opportunity to request help can set their children up to heal from the divorce. Parents may also need to discuss their own emotional challenges just enough to warn the children that they might occasionally act differently than they usually do because of the stress of the changes underway.
Conversations about the divorce likely need to be an ongoing dialogue rather than a one-time discussion. Children may come to their parents with many questions and concerns. Parents typically want to leave the lines of communication open and to give children opportunities to seek out the support of outside parties when they don’t feel comfortable discussing their feelings with parents.
Parents who are about to transition to a shared custody arrangement due to divorce typically need to prepare carefully for the protection of their children. A compassionate and supportive approach can go a long way toward mitigating the stress that divorce can cause for children.